so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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