oh god the rape fog is back!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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