does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize