just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
