why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
