My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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