I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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