im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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