Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry about my life...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
