so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
