Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
