You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
