well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
