I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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