sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
