Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
