You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
