just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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