I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
