i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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