Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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