eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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