Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
