When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you would pick up someone in the library
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
