So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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