It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
