She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize