the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
