You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
