He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
