I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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