a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
