so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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