I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
