Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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