You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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