I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
