I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
