Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
