No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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