he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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