I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
