Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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