i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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