I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
