and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I could make wine with my vomit
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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