Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
