He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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