This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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