tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize