cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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