He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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