I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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