i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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