If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Even my vagina gasped.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize