You're so nebulous sometimes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
