I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize