I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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