I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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