i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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