Duck Duck Cougar?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
