I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
