Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
