Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
