My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
