My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
