I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
