So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
