Sry I called you an 8
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize