It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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