she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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