it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
