I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
